I designed a Ukrainian wedding cloth!

Okay, so I'm really excited: my host sister is getting married this fall. It is common for the bride to stitch herself a breadcloth--a long table-runner looking thing, with decorations on the two edges. I offered to do her bread cloth, and she was very excited. Then she said she'd rather me do their "good luck" cloth, or something like that. It is used during the wedding--laid on the floor and the bride and groom run to see who is the first to step on it. Whoever does will supposedly have the control in the marriage. I am so thankful for the links to Ukrainian patterns, because tonight the both of us came up with some designs for her cloth! Yes, yes, that is the Tree of Gondor on the top of one. We're going to see which her fiancee likes, but I'm REALLY hoping for the geeky version ;)

This is a rough draft mockup. It was us piecing together designs, so the proportions aren't exact, but it gave us a good idea.

NOW, there is one thing "wrong" on this. I plan to do the ends in a handstitched lace, which would REPLACE the greenish border at the bottom, but would be essentially the same design. Whichever design is chosen will be stitched on both ends of a long cloth. In the middle will be a ukrainian saying meaning: for happiness, for love (or something like that).
With the tree:

From Stroke of Midnight

Without the tree:

From Stroke of Midnight

A fairly normal day in Ukraine (but a bit spendy!)

Today was a really fun day. On the docket for the day: picking up my boots, getting my clothes repaired (oh crap—now I am forgetting my English—do we say “repaired” for clothes?)

My boots are pretty sweet. I found a place that does custom boots. They will make nearly anything you want for a decent price—for me a “decent price” is less than $100. This is one price I absolutely compare with American prices, because I’m planning to take these puppies home with me! So this pair is knee high with the Battlestar Galactica logo stitched into the sides—specifically the phoenix/angel from the logo.

So my friend Maryna and I plan to meet at 11:30 near the tank. Every town in Ukraine as “A Tank” as a monument to some war or victory or historical event. History isn’t my strong suit. We were both late, as usual. I had a baba bag with me—a very large, plastic, zippered bag that the locals carry. It had all my clothes to be repaired in it. I was wearing a pair of black slacks and tennis shoes and my winter coat because the weather didn’t look too bad. Man was I wrong.

While waiting for Maryna, I was happy to spot my favorite lady near the tank. She sells Piroshki. These are amazing. They’re (I think) potato dough with cabbage, potatoes, or meat inside, that are then deep fried. OMG DELICIOUS. I like the potato ones. So I ate that while waiting for Maryna.

It was then I realized that a) I hadn’t called the lady to confirm that I was coming b) I didn’t have her number c) I didn’t have her address. Oh well. We’d been there before and decided to wing it. We knew which marshrutka to take (a marshrutka is like a cross between a van and a short bus), so we waited. While waiting we saw a poster for So You Think You Can Dance, the Ukrainian version (something like Танцюють Всi). Turns out they were performing in Zhytomyr the next day!!!! I LOVE SYTYCD, and even though I had never seen the Ukrainian version, I knew it would be just as good.

So we get on the marshrutka and make our way to the boot lady’s house, only to find out she wasn’t there. Maryna had the woman’s daughter’s number, so we called and the lady said they would be ready on Tuesday. *sigh* So we made our way to the tailor.

Maryna thinks I’m lazy, I think, because I don’t repair small holes that happen in the seams of my clothes. J Whatever. I’d rather have a professional do it. I dropped off a bag of mine that had been splitting open, my jeans that needed to be hemmed, two sweaters with holes in the armpits, a coat whose zipper kept popping open and whose pockets needed mending, a pair of pants that had a hole, and my coat whose liner was literally in tatters. Total price 185 griven (around $20). Not too bad. SPENDY for a Peace Corps budget, but that’s what I get for waiting and having them pile up.

We went to the bazaar and I got one of my favorite foods—galuptsi with carrots. It is usually meat that is wrapped in cooked cabbage leaves, but this kind is basically spiced carrots wrapped in cabbage leaves. DELICIOUS. It was around this time that it REALLY started snowing. BIG FATTIE FLAKES. And the ground was solid mud. I’m in the city, but do we have awesome, mud-free sidewalks here? Nope. So it was snowing really hard and completely muddy. The snow felt a bit like rain, as well. I departed from Maryna and walked to the theatre, where SYTYCD would be performing, and met Tanya. By this time my right foot was COMPLETELY soaked. Blarg.

I found out that not only were there seats available, but there were GOOD seats available! So I bought a ticket—just one, because sadly my friends were unavailable. It is nice to have a friend there when you’re negotiating something like that—I did negotiate the ticket sale myself, but I had a backup translator.

Tanya went with me on the marshrutka home, and I had to walk across this nasty mud field to get to my house. By the time I got home, both shoes were covered in mud, my socks were soaked through with mudwater, and my pants were really wet at the bottom. Lovely. And tomorrow night—I’ll be going to see AWESOME DANCING!!!! WOOT!

Танцюють Всi!

On Saturday I found out that Танцюють Всi was on tour in Zhytomyr and was performing on Sunday. Next day. Танцюють Всi is Ukraine's So You Think You Can Dance. I lovelovelove SYTYCD So much, and I was really bummed that in America tickets always sold out very quickly. Day before I figured I didn't have a chance of getting a ticket. Well, I was wrong, and I got a fabulous seat--4th row! It was 200 griven (a little more than $20). A lot for my Peace Corps budget, but well worth it. I've come to the conclusion that some things in life are worth paying a little extra for--tickets for a close row to something you love--worth it.

Here is my play by play of Танцюють Всi along with videos from their website!

I dressed in my Wonder Woman gear--Wonder Woman boots that I had custom made for me here in Ukraine, red/white purse, and white undershirt/red overshirt. I found my way to the fourth row, and sat next to Alla, a woman I met right then and there. We talked about dance, she told me her daughter wasn't interested in coming, and that this was her second event. We had a fun time talking.

It was supposed to start at 7pm, but it was closer to 7:15 when they actually started.

Everyone came out dressed like the Nut Cracker--the red and white soldier outfits. It was really exciting to watch, and the host participated in the dance! It was so different seeing in real life--you could focus on whomever you wanted, and you could really get the energy from the dancers! This video shows a show opening that looked exactly like what we had.

The dance after that was a 2-guy dance with Oleksander and Sasha. It was a swing/tap dance number if you only watch a few, this is completely worth watching. I could completely see Tranji doing it.

After that, they transitioned to a freaking sweet Argentinian tango piece with Colya and Toni. Amazing. She came in sweeping the floor and he was a douchey customer at a table. RED HOT!This one is way hotter than any other Argentinian tango I've seen on the American SYTYCD. Actually, it may just be regular tango.

This was followed by a pretty, contemporary dance with Michael and Dasha.

Sasha and Mariam did a really fun hip hop number to Rama Lama Bang Bang.

There was a super sweet number here using a table--I originally thought it would be a rip off of the table dance from the American version, but it wasn't--and it kicked ass, but I can't find any video.

A group number! This is one of my favorites: GLADIATORS! If you only see one number, this is the one to see

Max and Olya did a pretty cool contemporary number where she has a mirror and he's trying to get in the way of her mirror.

Olexander and Tonya did my favorite swing number!

Zhenya and Maria did an emotional waltz. Not sure if I totally got the story, but it looked like she received some letter saying he was going off to war.

A super fun and funky group contemporary number where everyone was dressed as bugs. They came out from the audience! It was really cool!

Masha and Denis did a fun modern dance number where she was dressed as a violin and he was the violinist.

Max and Toni did this really cool "voodoo horror" jazz piece. They made fun use of a cauldron and voodoo doll.

I'm really bummed that I can't find these next two dances as videos. The first was a women's only number. They were dressed as flappers and they danced to All That Jazz.

Then the men came out, dressed as 30's gangsters and did a dance to Wild Wild West.

Dasha and Michael did a Broadway Vampire number to KISS by Tom Jones.

Sasha and Vika came out and did a cool JIVE number that started out on a couch

Olya and Olexander had a super emotional modern number that has what appears to be a cool storyline: he dies in a car crash and she is left to mourn him.

They had two other cool numbers in here. The first was a group number that was set to the sound of wind and it was a contemporary number. Pretty sweet.

Then there was a really really strange number with these aliens? two people were dressed in blue latex and danced with dress forms. I didn't really understand it, but it was entertaining.

Olya and Colya did a freaking amazing jive to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B.

Dasha and Michael did a super sweet contemporary horror dance. Very fun! The song was "Remember horror number?"

Another fun group dance! This one was a sort of "Adam"/garden of eden story? Maybe? It's weird and totally fun and done to Santogold - You'll Find A Way (Switch & Sinden Remix)

I WISH I COULD FIND THIS VIDEO! It was AMAZING! It was a quickstep to Puttin on the Ritz.

Zhenia and Mariam danced a Jazz number that was--no joke--her cast as a Dominatrix.

This group dance was MUCH BETTER in person...The entire beginning is LOST in this video! What you can't see is that everyone is lined side by side, and one by one they start doing very mechanical movements. AWESOME dance, but poor videography.

Masha and Denis did a very dramatic modern number about a prince and a princess on their wedding night! VERY dramatic!

Victoria and Martin did a really cool smooth contemporary dance number. She started out sitting on a chair, but her partner was under a sheet, and so she stood up and started dancing with her partner covered in a sheet. Very cool effect.

Dasha and Michael danced a tango that started with them standing on two chairs! Cool use of the chairs!

Finally, they had a big band number that was really fun, and again, no video.

The absolute last thing they did was bring out a cake to celebrate Oleksander's 21st birthday--and they smashed it in his face, then they had a cake fight on stage.

It was really really amazing and I'm really glad I went.

What the heck do you do in Peace Corps?

I teach at a Teacher Training Institute. This last year I’ve taught such classes as:

Creative Writing, Teaching Speaking, Teaching Reading, Teaching Writing, Teaching Listening, Teaching Country Studies, Teaching Young Learners, etc.

My students are all English Teachers from Ukraine. Every five years they are required to take recertification courses at my institute. The first time they go, they are there for one month. The next time they go, they go for three different weeks spread throughout the year.

So what do I do? These are teachers of English, with experience in teaching English. I do feel qualified to teach them because I have had methodological training in school. And, more importantly, I have life experience—a lifetime of classes in American schools, where the teaching is approached differently. I also know such songs as "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain" and "Goin' on a Bear Hunt" and "There Was an Old Lady" and "The Wheels on the Bus." So for me, my role here is to give a little bit of methodology, and give a lot of new ideas that they can adapt and use in their classrooms.

So here’s an example of a class I’ve taught and will teach again: Teaching Country Studies.

Teachers Will Be Able to:
Participate in experiential learning activities for teaching Country Studies to their Students
Modify and Adapt activities for their classrooms

Those are the basic TWBATs I have for all my classes. I’m a big fan of experiential learning, which means that you learn by experiencing it rather than just talking about it.
Warm up: Finish the sentence
Each Teacher gets a slip of paper. They will anonymously finish the sentence:
Is it true that Americans_______________________
Trainer will collect. Trainer will sort and read and answer at the end of the session.

For this class I try to give them a little information that they can’t get in the classroom, as well as a taste of several kinds of activities, so I set up three “booths” with samples of the activities. During my class they are not expected to finish all the activities, merely get a taste of them. I emphasize that so that they don’t get frustrated about not having enough time 

Station Activity 1: Map Work

ACTIVITY 1A: Spell and Find

Teachers are given their own un-labeled map of the US that they are to write on, a reference map labeled with all fifty states, a reference sheet of the fifty states and their capitals, and the following Scrabble Tiles:
A-2, C, D-2, E-2, G, H, I-2, L, M, N-3, O-2, P, R, S, T-2, U, V, W, Y

Teachers must:
a) form as many states’ names as possible using those tiles.
b) color in the state on HO1 (unlabeled map), using a blue highlighter

ACTIVITY 1B: Name that Shape

Teachers are given a labeled map of the United States, a reference sheet of the fifty states and their capitals, and shapes of unidentified states.

Teachers must
a) identify the states by shape
b) mark where the capital is on their map
c) write in the name of the capital.

Why did I pick these activities? For me, it’s just showing different ideas of things you can do with a map. Even more, it helps prevent training “answer robots,” students who simply look for the answer and repeat and cannot put together two pieces of information logically. It also uses different strengths: linguistic strengths (spelling words), as well as special intelligences (picture smarts).

ACTIVITY 2: Design a flag and quarter for Washington State

Teachers will design a flag and quarter for Washington State, using important symbols and information about Washington State.

Here, teachers are reading about Washington state, using art to show understanding, and putting together information. Again, moving away from being Answer Robots.

ACTIVITY 3: Seattle Festivals Logic Problem

Teachers are given a logic problem I created about four different festivals in Seattle: Gay Pride, Bumbershoot, Folklife, and The Freemont Solstice Festival. They are to fill in a chart telling which friend went to which festival, which month it was in, and what sort of festival it was.

Here, I’m using a logic problem to teach about the different festivals. The idea here is that they can put together information and have students read about it in creative ways. Again, using a different strength, this time logic and reasoning.

ACTIVITY 4: Jeopardy game

Now teachers play a small Jeopardy game based on information given in the class. This is not so they can play, but rather so they can learn HOW to play a Jeopardy game.

ACTIVITY 5: Is it true that Americans _________ followup

At this time I address all the questions that the Ukrainian teachers have put down about Americans. Most of the questions I get are based on food, personality, and work such as

Is it true that Americans have only one or two weeks of vacations?
Is it true that Americans don't like to speak about their problems (they do it with doctors or psychologists only)?
Is it true that Americans always smile?
Is it true that Americans eat fast food 3 times a day?

So you can see, when I’m teaching, I’m not simply teaching ABOUT America, I’m giving techniques for teaching about them—ones that many of them have never seen. And yet I’m still giving some extra information, such as: that handout on Washington State. And addressing common questions they usually have about Americans.

My job is tricky, because I’m not just teaching, but I’m teaching about teaching. It’s made it very interesting—not duplicating teaching techniques, how to give different information, how to collaborate, etc. I’d never done teacher training before, but I’m getting great experience doing it. And it does help that I do the same lessons again and again.

The final thing I do is that I make all my lesson plans and information available to all teachers, which is very time consuming. It’s one thing to make a lesson plan; quite another thing to write it in a presentable way for teachers taking your classes. I have to make the directions understandable to Ukrainian teachers, not just myself, so vague notes on how to do it are not acceptable, and neither is simply writing down “Do the Hokey Pokey”—because most Ukrainians have never played The Hokey Pokey and I need to write down directions for how to do it, since it’s not just for me. I’m also often giving lesson plans to teachers who have been doing this for 10-20 years, so I’d better have something great so they don’t feel like I’m wasting their time.

So that’s what I do for my Peace Corps “job.” I do teach less than most of the other volunteers, but as you can see, my time is really put into developing materials and presentation of said materials. There are more bits and pieces, but that’s my standard daily job. Hope you enjoyed it!

One year in Ukraine

Wow. It doesn’t seem like yesterday that I arrived, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it’s been a year.

October 1, 2007 I stepped off that plane into blistering hot heat. We were greeted by a sign in English saying “Welcome to Ukraine,” and we were greeted by friendly smiles from Peace Corps staff, friendly smiles that are still dear to my heart. It was unseasonably warm in Kyiv, and we were all dying while waiting on the bus. We were herded, eyes unseeing, ears unhearing, into our pre-training site. Everything was strange, the faces, the policies, the billboards. It was all novel—the Cyrillic signs, people speaking in an unfamiliar language, people selling things by the side of the road, the cars driving like they were in the Pole Position game, the layouts of the stores, the prices, the inability to communicate.

It was all novel because it was all new and interesting and WOW this was why we signed up for Peace Corps.

We were given our languages—I was given Russian, and some people rejoiced, while others complained. Our first day of language class—given the letters of our names and asked to make it into our names.

Д Ж У Л И Я

None familiar but that little Y, which wasn't a Y, but an OO. I couldn't spell my own name: Джулия. Overwhelming! Being taught to say “My name is” and ask “What is your name?” Running to the really cute security guard and asking him “Как вас завут?” KAK VAC ZAVOOT? Then giggling like crazy fangirls when he told us, then promptly forgetting because our brains short circuited at having spoken to a really good looking dude in a foreign language.

One year ago. Rumors of who was going where. Whispers of “So and so already knows about her family.” Talk of possibilities. I vaguely remember the presentation. I remember Vova’s funny talk about the Village with Town-like qualities, and Larissa’s talk of Chernigov with bellydancing. I remember being told I would be in Chernigov.

I remember how much luggage I had. WAY more than anyone in our group. A comical amount of luggage. I remember hauling it to the busses. I remember finally getting on our busses. I remember really really really having to pee and everyone filing into an LCF’s apartment to use the bathroom before heading to Chernigov. I wonder what the babushkas in the building thought—20 Americans stomping up the stairs and waiting in a line to go into this little apartment.

I remember getting to Chernigov. My host mother, Alla, was there. She was a large, stern-looking woman. I remember being intimidated and timid and so I stayed on the bus and helped people get their luggage. Finally got to her and felt embarrassed about all my luggage. Proudly said Меня завут Джулия MENYA ZAVOOT JULIA and her saying her name, then having literally nothing else to say other than hello. So I stayed silent. She seemed so serious, and I wondered what she thought of me. I wondered if she was happy to see me, because she didn’t smile. I wondered if she was irritated by my luggage, since we had to STUFF it into the taxi. I wondered if she was weirded out by this stranger living in her home who didn’t speak a lick of the language.

I remember the first meal. Some of the food was good, some was not so great, but there was too much of it. I remember feeling overwhelmed, and wanting to make a good impression, and forcing myself to overeat because I didn’t know how to say no politely. My host sister was shy, but she spoke English, which helped. Perhaps a bit too much. She was 17 and from the village, and only now do I believe I understand who she was in relation to my host mom—I think she was my host mom’s cousin’s daughter.

I remember doing charades to ask when to be woken up. I remember in the morning being walked to my class, which was very close. I remember being taught to say “I have a family. I have a mother. I have a father. I have a sister. Do you have a family?” I was introduced to Yulia, my host mother’s friend’s daughter. Yulia was my age and she couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous I sounded—and I did. “DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY?” sounds pretty funny, no matter how you say it. I remember my host mother asking me something, which sounded like “Do you need a magazine?” And I thought “I don’t need a magazine, I have one.” Later I realized she was asking if I needed to go to the store—the word “Magazine” means “Store” in Russian.

I remember enjoying language classes, and we had so many. I remember feeling frustrated and anxious and not making friends during training. I remember just feeling overwhelmed. I also remember the feelings of giving up near the end. Then came swearing in.

We met our counterparts, we met the US Ambassador. We swore in. I was proud to be an American that day. Taking the oath that all of us take:

I, Julia Johansen, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the constitution of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion, and that I will well and faithfully discharge my duties in the Peace Corps of the United States of America, serving Ukraine to the best of my abilities and demonstrating the respect and consideration due its people. So help me God.

This past year has been packed.

I’ve made several lifelong friends—some best friends, both Ukrainian and American. I’ve come to have some favorite Ukrainian foods that I KNOW I will miss back in the US. I’ve learned to live and thrive within my community. I’ve learned that the more you know of a language the more you realize you don’t know. I’ve learned to speak Russian—enough to have conversations, but not enough to be able to tell my landlord properly that the pilot light on my kalonka keeps going out. I got a beautiful Ukrainian cat who is the perfect mixture of ornry and sweet. I have an apartment that I’m only ashamed to show people when it looks like a homeless person has been living here. I’ve settled into good routines. I filled out my first grant. I found great organizations and great people to work with. I’ve found what it is to be a Peace Corps Volunteer.

And you know, I’ve had it so much easier than many PCVs. So much so that I often hesitate to complain about having to take bucket baths in my modern bathroom, or that I have to walk through a small field of mud, or that my apartment feels cold. No one gossips about what I bought, or how much money I spend on shampoo. I, in general, have consistent hot water, I can use the water from my tap, and I even have water after midnight. I can throw my toilet paper in the toilet, and my toilet is in the same room as my bathtub. I have Internet in my apartment. My town sells pesto and hot sauce and bento boxes and bleu cheese.

And yet there is still a need. I am a Peace Corps Volunteer, and this has been one interesting year in my life.

For your viewing pleasure

The first Russian song I learned! It's by a band called Kino and the singer is Victor Tsoi. It's catchy, melodic, and easy!



and if you want to learn to play the song, watch THIS video!



День как день,
Только ты почему-то грустишь.
И вокруг всё поют,
Только ты один молчишь.

Потерял аппетит
И не хочешь сходить в кино.
Ты идёшь в магазин,
Чтобы купить вино.

Солнце светит, и растёт трава,
Но тебе она не нужна.
Всё не так, и всё не то,
Когда твоя девушка больна,
Когда больна...

Ты идёшь в магазин,
Головою поник,
Как будто иссяк
Чистый горный родник.

Она где-то лежит,
Ест мёд и пьёт аспирин,
И вот ты идёшь
На вечеринку один.

Солнце светит, и растёт трава,
Но тебе она не нужна.
Всё не так, и всё не то,
Когда твоя девушка больна.
На вечеринку один,
Когда твоя девушка больна.

Culture Shock

Your emotional reserves, which are what help you have that thick skin, are what help you not react to cultural moments. They are what you draw upon in order to be culturally appropriate, culturally sensitive, and that all-knowing, wise, open-minded American. They help you deal with people staring or people pointing to you, or a whole marshrutka full of people talking about the American and what do you think she's doing here and and she doesn't understand Russian (I DO!), etc. Not that that last thing happened recently.

The emotional reserves start to go away as you are bombarded by new culture, loss of freedom, loss of language, stress of language learning, not being able to talk to your best friend, not being able to eat food you love and are familiar with, being treated like you are three years old, being around Americans you may not like, getting trained in your job and having to do homework, having someone else tie your shoes for you (yes, this happened to me), being treated like a 3-year-old, having your personal space invaded, and your body space invaded.

Your emotional reserves can deal with any of those things, but the result of being bombarded by all these things all at once for an extended period of time drains them. You lose that thick skin. Things start to bother you that would ordinarily not bother you. You become a bit more emotionally frayed and you react more. Because those emotional reserves are tapped—they're too busy trying to deal with the big stuff that the little stuff seeps through.

I knew this would happen. During our training, they showed us a video of the negative things that could happen, specifically sexual harassment. A woman in the video told about how she was sexually harassed every day with all the cat calls and sexual comments tossed at her as she walked down the street every day. One gal in our group made the comment that was pretty much along the lines of: "She should be more culturally sensitive. That's just part of Latino culture, and she shouldn't apply American standards to their culture." Or something close to that. I remember thinking at the time that the girl in our training girl had no idea what she was talking about, because something happening day after day has *got* to wear at you.

It's like someone touching you. That's fine. But now imagine them touching you in the same spot again and again and again. Where you could first shrug it off, now it's a point of contention and irritation and you JUST WANT THEM TO STOP. I knew this at the beginning of training.

And yet I was completely shocked when culture shock hit me. I remember it so clearly. A girl in my language lesson snapped at me. It was Halloween, only 31 days after getting into Ukraine. Only 31 days of Peace Corps training. Only 31 days of using up those emotional reserves. The comment ate at me all day. It made me angry and sick and more angry. For some reason, around 11pm, I just started bawling. I tried to call my best friend in America, but my phone had no money on it, which made me cry harder, and I had no idea why, which made me cry even harder. And not some stoic lady-like cry—this was an "8-year-old-who-just-got-spanked-and-now-can't-go-to-the-sleepover cry. There was nothing I could put my finger on--not any one thing, except for some stupid little comment, and I sure as hell knew one small comment didn't cause this reaction.

I probably sobbed for three hours that night. It really sucked. My own emotional reaction shocked me--I haven't bawled that hard in a while--I'm 32 and kinda thought I was past that.

Things that really helped me: Peace Corps's booklet called "A Few Minor Adjustments," which addresses culture shock. It really helped. REALLY. Also, making friends that I really liked and who I could call and talk to, because previously I had felt very alone being amongst so many Americans and not really having a close friend.

It hit me that hard again, about 6 months in country. It was late at night and I started to just feel SO ALONE. I went to the disco, hoping that just being around people would make me feel better, but it made me feel more alone, and I called America, sobbing at the disco. I just couldn't stop crying. It sucked.

I hate being shocked at my own emotional reactions. I hate when they take me unawares. I was shocked at myself the first time I screamed at my host sister (17 year olds!!!). I was shocked at myself when I got angry at every little thing. I was shocked at myself by how dismayed I was at having fried eggs with TOO MUCH OIL. And yet, when those reserves are drained, you are the emotional equivalent of a car without shocks on a rocky road.

I consider myself lucky--two emotional breakdowns in 11 months. For six months it's been smooth sailing, and I'm in a position to have built up those emotional reserves. I have autonomy, I have friends, I have people close to me, I can communicate, I have internet (woo hoo!). But I also know it's likely that I'll have at least one or two more of these moments.

The following is a metaphor I wrote about culture shock:



I'd wanted to swim in the ocean for about 10 years. More precisely, I wanted to be flown in a helicopter out in the middle of the ocean, be dropped out far enough that I couldn't see the land, then I wanted to swim to shore.

I'd read all the books about what to do, what to take, and how to do it. I had my shark repellent, my space sticks energy sticks, and even a flare for if it got really bad. Gearing up for this moment, I practiced every day in the swimming pool, and I was totally pumped. I'd even read first-hand accounts from people who had done precisely this same thing. I even knew what emotions I would likely be feeling and how to deal with them.

I was prepared. Everything was ready. I was ready. Completely.

They flew me in a helicopter, told me exactly what to do if I needed help, then I made the leap into that huge ocean. I watched the helicopter fly away, and I started to swim. I was feeling strong and awesome. Everything was going according to plan.

Then I started to get a little tired, and I felt something bump my foot. The smell of the salt water was getting to me, and I was starting to get a sunburn. I realized that as much as I had prepared, NOTHING could have prepared me for that feeling of being in the middle of the ocean all alone and not being able to see shore. I started to feel overwhelmed by all the water around me and how alone I felt, but I pushed it off, knowing I couldn't feel this way because I had prepared. But what I hadn't prepared for was my very own emotional reaction to everything. As much as my brain was ready, my emotions weren't, and after much pushing down, the emotions overwhelmed me.

It finally passed and I pressed on. The dream and the realization of that dream driving me further. Most of the time I'm fine and it's under control, but every now and then, the vastness of the sea gets to me.

These songs are REALLY catchy.

А.Р.М.И.Я - Мы сделали это This WILL get stuck in your head.
LILU - Будь ближе Fun video. Pop.
Алиби: Мелодия дождя Soft, melodic.
Юлия Войс "Где ты, мой ангел" Generically good.
Тина Кароль "Полюс притяжения" Beautiful voice.
Марта-Цветок Seriously, check out her outfit. Crazy.
Ирина Билык Нас Нет The video plays like a movie
Потап и Настя Каменских - Не пара (uncensored) Russian Hip-Hop. This video has naked women, so don't watch if you're easily offended. Great song.
Потап и Настя Каменских - VNATURE (uncensored) More Russian Hip-Hop, more naked women. Great song, though.
Потап, Дядя Вадя и Ugo - Наташа More hiphop. Sans boobies.

11.16.07 chores

Last night I hung out with my new host family for a while. It's funny and irrational, but there's this part of me that thinks: You shouldn't talk about your other family with this family. What can I say--I'm a one family kinda gal! I'm cheating on one family with another. ah ha haha. I know it's stupid, and I talk about them anyway.

It started snowing last night. It's still snowing. I walked in the deep snow with my host dad. He's a really nice guy and I covet his bag. It's like this tiny little briefcase. Big enough to stick letters and keys and money in and yet smaller than a woman's purse and bigger than a wallet. I covet it. He's a really cool guy. Last night he took me around town to run errands. I needed to get my pants mended, to change some money, go to the internet club, and to the post office.

First we went to get my pants mended. My pants were waaay too long. Seriously. The reason these women wear 10 inch heels is so their pants hems aren't dragging in mud! I'm a shorty and my pants were always getting muddy. So for a mere 12G I was able to get them mended. I never would have found this place on my own. First, it's out in nowhereland. By a big bazaar and around a corner. I think I saw Lady and the Tramp there. Not the movie, the actual dogs. That's how hidden it was. So we rounded this corner in an alley and walked up these dark stairs. Had I been there by myself I would have sworn the building was closed, that no one had ever been there, that it was abandoned. Nope. We walked through the dark, up a few flights of stairs and through a door and BAM, there was light. He asked for a woman and we were led through a hallway, passing open doors filled with women, clothes, and sewing machines. It was awesome.

We finally met the woman and she had me put on my pants-to-be-altered. She marked them with white chalk and I took them off, put on my jeans, and handed my pants to her. She asked me a question about the hem--how I wanted it to look, and I got to bust out with my favorite phrase: Vso ravno. It means everything is the same-or-I don't care. She smiled and told my host dad they'd be done in about 40 minutes. So we went to do other tasks.

We went to attempt to change money. I emphasize attempt. If you come to Ukraine, DON'T FOLD YOUR DOLLARS! Seriously. They have this super fancy checking machine that has stages. The first stage is to put it under this security camera. Then they run it through an auto machine. If it is too folded it won't even pass the first stage. If it's too folded and somehow passes stage one, it won't go through the auto machine. We went to two places. The first took two of my one dollar bills but not my 10. The second place took my other one, but not my 10. I'm going to try ironing it. Grrr. I covet my host dad's brief-purse.

So the next was the post office. You'll be happy to know that, just like in America, they're slow. It's like a slice of home life. We waited and waited. I finally sent something out. A letter to my best gal pal in the US, and one to my language teacher who is leaving our group. It said in Russian: Thank you. You are good teacher. After I get apartment, I want to invite you and your wife to be guests. I will cook!

I'm proud of my language skills.

So now I'm at work, in my short pants and ready for my workshop. More about that later.

11.15.07 English Clubs

Today I went to an English Club here in Zhytomyr. My host sister was going and invited me along. I was really excited about this opportunity because part of the site assessment is seeing what the resources are, seeing what's happening in the community, etc. My host sister mentioned it was religious and my first question was: Mormon? Of course!

So we walk to this apartment. It's just started snowing slightly, there's mud everywhere, and we're cold. We walk inside the apartment and it's even colder than outside, and the floors look like they have colored contact paper on them. It's very 70s. And no one takes off their shoes, hence the scotch-guarding. We meet the two elders: Elder Paulsen and (ack! I can't remember the Ukrainian man's name). My host sister and I are the only two there to start with, and I'm asking questions about Mormons in Ukraine (they're the only two in Zhytomyr) and about his service, how they advertise, how they don't make it seem sleezy (come to my apartment and learn English, young woman), etc.

There ended up being a total of four students and one grandfather who came. E.Paulsen did the "invent your own country" lesson, which I've done before. The group decides their name, what their business is, what their language is, etc. Afterward I couldn't help but do my job. Seriously. I couldn't just go. So I asked him my Teacher Trainer questions: What did you like about this lesson? What would you have changed about it? I gave him some suggestions as well: put the chairs in a circle so they can see each other when they are speaking. Read up on the communicative method so that it's more student focused rather than teacher focused. Have a section on the board to leave up new words. And point with a pen rather than your finger. Seriously. In Ukraine, the teachers don't point to the board with their fingers. I have no idea why. But his Ukrainian partner totally nodded. ha ha ha.

So yeah, scoping out my site and found the Mormons. Rulz.