Ukrainian party vs. American culture party

Party expectations in Ukraine are very different than they are in America. It's good to know this before you arrive to your first Ukrainian party, or before you invite your first Ukrainian to your party. The first is that Ukrainian parties are ALWAYS dinner parties, and they will expect a full meal.

Arrive to the party with some sort of edible/drinkable gift, such as juice, chocolate, vodka, wine, etc. In the main room there will be a huge table in the middle set up with chairs/sofas/stools around it. All the food will be set on the table.

Food that will always be present:

* a veggie plate with slices of cucumbers, tomatoes and sometimes green peppers
* a platter of cut sausages and cheese
* at least 2 kinds of mayonnaise based salads (such as krab+corn+chinese cabbage+mayo, or cabbage+peas+sausage+mayo, or eggs+onions+cheese+garlic+mayo, or apples+shrimp+egg+mayo) (oh, and those are real salads--I called my host sister up just now and asked her to tell me the ingredients for some standard mayo salads, so I wasn't being crazy with those).
* Pickled herring
* Sandwiches, consisting of single, small pieces of bread with any of the following on top: butter+cheese, butter+sausage, butter+sausage+cheese, caviar, mayo+small fishies
* Shuba (a layered salad with the following ingredients in descending order: chopped egg, mayonaise, beets, egg, carrots, onion, and pickled herring).


_{Don't be fooled! Thar be fish in that thar salad.}

* Flattened, fried chicken or fish
* Galuptsi (meat rolled up in cooked cabbage leaves)
* Hot chicken or cutlets
* Some hot potato dish, such as mashed potatoes
* Bottles of vodka, a pear soda which they call "water," congac or wine


_{The food keeps coming and you keep staying in the same place}

At the beginning of the party you would choose your spot around the table. This will be your place for the entire evening, so choose your companions wisely! You will then sit, eat, and talk. That is the party. Food would come out in stages, there would be tons of toasts, you'd be totally full, tipsy, and have made great friends.

Near the end of the party, your hostess would ask if you would like coffee or tea (black or green). Along with your coffee or tea you'd get sweet dishes, which may include cake, chocolate, or cookies. You will NEVER be served sweet things without coffee or tea. According to my Ukrainian friends, they're just not tasty without tea or coffee. So your slice of birthday cake (well, they don't really do "birthday cakes") will be accompanied by tea. :)

That's the standard Ukrainian party.

My parties, however, are nothing like this. As an American English teacher, I like to have parties that are high on culture and low on drinking. My parties are a great place to practice English, learn a little about American culture, and do some fun activities! My parties in Ukraine have been very successful, and they're something I plan to continue in whatever country I'm in, so I thought I'd share my party prep ideas.

Step One: Choose a theme
This step is crucial. If you're doing a holiday party, the theme chooses itself. Go all out and embrace that holiday. If you're doing a birthday party or a non-holiday party, it's important to select a good theme. It will drive everything else: the music, the food (to some extent), the costumes (if you're doing that), the games, etc.

My theme this year is Flora and Fauna.

My party is a costume party. Everyone is expected to come in costumes and bring food and drink to share. In Ukraine none of these are typical, so I make sure to tell them via sms. I also teach them the word "potluck" :)

Step Two: Choose the decorations/your costume
For my party this year I'm dressing up as a lounge jaguar :) I have my awesome jaguar-print pjs, will do makeup and make ears and a tail to go along with this and I'm done. For decorations, I bought some self sticking, dark green scotch paper that I will cut into long, wavy grass and stick on the walls, along with flowers, butterflies, etc. I'm making a bumblebee pinata, and the like.


_{First time doing cat makeup! Pretty darn good if I say so myself!}

Step Three: Choose the activities
For me, this is what really drives things. This is the part I very much enjoy, and something that makes my parties stand out. If you have an awesome theme and awesome decorations, sure you can just let the party be, but if you want something great for non-native speakers, something that will give them a chance to practice English/learn about American culture, this is super important. Plus, it's fun for native speakers as well.

* Songs. I like to pick some songs to teach that fit with the theme. For my V-day party I picked "The Riddle Song," "Love Me Tender," "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" and "All You Need is Love." I print lyrics, my friend plays guitar, and we all sing together. For my Flora & Fauna party I think we're going to do "Jeremiah was a bullfrog," and not sure which else yet.

* Crafts. This is something new for me, but it worked really well at my Valentine's day party. I gave everyone the tools for making V-Day cards. That way we could hang out, people could chat, work on crafts, and have something to show for their night. For the Flora & Fauna I'm doing origami!

* Games. I like doing things like scavenger hunts or pictionary or taboo. For V-day we did a kissing game--one partner had a bright lipstick on and had to kiss their partner on the face as many times possible within 15 seconds. We then counted kiss marks. Another game was for a partnership to open a candybar together with their hands behind their backs. :)


_{The girls are counting how many lipstick marks Daniel has on his face}

* Food. By asking people to bring food/drinks to share, you ensure that you will have enough food, but not TOO MUCH food. I like to provide something theme-y like heart shaped cookies or red/pink foods for V-Day, or traditional Thanksgiving food for T-Day. You can do fun things like serve eggnog or spiced wine at a Christmas party, green beer at St Patty's day, etc. The more "traditional" or theme related, the more fun it is.
* Etc. For Halloween I'll do things like bobbing for apples, pumpkin carving and the like. On Valentine's Day, we composed proverbs about Love--I provided the word LOVE+a random word. They came up with gems like "LOVE is a HOUSE I want to live in always" and "LOVE is like WINE--it makes you feel good and you want more."

I teach people the word "mingle" and show them how to do it (really, they don't usually do it amongst themselves). I also occasionally like to have prizes to encourage certain behaviors. Want people to have fabulous outfits? Give a prize for best costume. Want people to put lots of effort into a game? Give a prize to the winner. It helps to let people know that ahead of time. Also, if you really want everyone in a costume, provide for those who have come without costume--for my party I'll have animal hats/masks for them to wear.

I make sure to tell people early, then a week before, then a day or two before. People are very forgetful, so it helps to have an initial invite and then two reminders. I also don't have drinking at my party. If someone wants to bring alcohol, they can, but I ask them to bring nothing stronger than wine, champagne, or beer. I like showing them how to make mimosas. :)

That, my friends, is something that takes up a fair bit of my energy in Peace Corps. So far I've thrown about 6 of these parties, and they get better and better. At my Valentine's day party I even had my English club put on a play! :) As you can see, it fits Peace Corps's 2nd goal very well, which is to teach host country nationals more about America and Americans. I put a fair bit of time and myself into these parties, and I've even seen results--I went to a girl's birthday party and she'd pushed the table to the side of the room and had activities! It was really great. People were surprised, but they had a great time.

Other things I've learned: If your party is big, it can be a great idea to have responsible friends take on this role: emcee, dj, bartender, even host. If you do want to have a bar, I recommend making a SINGLE party drink based on a SINGLE kind of alcohol. For my "high school stereotypes" party in America, we made a punch. For my "runway models" party in America I made the mistake of wanting a full bar, and as a result, half my budget went to alcohol. If I did it again I would serve just mimosas, and invite people to bring other alcohols. I also like to give people the opportunity to do different things. If the space is large enough, I like to have a quiet room for conversations, a louder room for games, a dance floor, etc.

Enjoy!

I designed a Ukrainian wedding cloth!

Okay, so I'm really excited: my host sister is getting married this fall. It is common for the bride to stitch herself a breadcloth--a long table-runner looking thing, with decorations on the two edges. I offered to do her bread cloth, and she was very excited. Then she said she'd rather me do their "good luck" cloth, or something like that. It is used during the wedding--laid on the floor and the bride and groom run to see who is the first to step on it. Whoever does will supposedly have the control in the marriage. I am so thankful for the links to Ukrainian patterns, because tonight the both of us came up with some designs for her cloth! Yes, yes, that is the Tree of Gondor on the top of one. We're going to see which her fiancee likes, but I'm REALLY hoping for the geeky version ;)

This is a rough draft mockup. It was us piecing together designs, so the proportions aren't exact, but it gave us a good idea.

NOW, there is one thing "wrong" on this. I plan to do the ends in a handstitched lace, which would REPLACE the greenish border at the bottom, but would be essentially the same design. Whichever design is chosen will be stitched on both ends of a long cloth. In the middle will be a ukrainian saying meaning: for happiness, for love (or something like that).
With the tree:

From Stroke of Midnight

Without the tree:

From Stroke of Midnight

[edited to add the following]

The wedding cloth was finished, though a little later than I'd hoped. Still, it was finished in time for the wedding. It turns out that the wedding cloth is what the bride and groom stand on as they are getting married. It literally covers the wedding altar, and as such, it has a very special place in the hearts of the couple; here is a picture of the final piece. I taught myself hardanger for this. Hardanger is the cutwork on the ends that makes it look like lace:

Танцюють Всi! (Ukrainian "So You Think You Can Dance")

On Saturday I found out that Tantsuyut Vsi (Танцюють Всi) was on tour in Zhytomyr and was performing on Sunday. Next day. Tantsuyut Vsi is Ukraine's So You Think You Can Dance. I lovelovelove SYTYCD So much, and I was really bummed that in America tickets always sold out very quickly. Day before I figured I didn't have a chance of getting a ticket. Well, I was wrong, and I got a fabulous seat--4th row! It was 200 griven (a little more than $20). A lot for my Peace Corps budget, but well worth it. I've come to the conclusion that some things in life are worth paying a little extra for--tickets for a close row to something you love--worth it.



Here is my play by play of Танцюють Всi along with videos from their website!

I dressed in my Wonder Woman gear--Wonder Woman boots that I had custom made for me here in Ukraine, red/white purse, and white undershirt/red overshirt. I found my way to the fourth row, and sat next to Alla, a woman I met right then and there. We talked about dance, she told me her daughter wasn't interested in coming, and that this was her second event. We had a fun time talking.

It was supposed to start at 7pm, but it was closer to 7:15 when they actually started.

Everyone came out dressed like the Nut Cracker--the red and white soldier outfits. It was really exciting to watch, and the host participated in the dance! It was so different seeing in real life--you could focus on whomever you wanted, and you could really get the energy from the dancers! This video shows a show opening that looked exactly like what we had.

The dance after that was a 2-guy dance with Oleksander and Sasha. It was a swing/tap dance number if you only watch a few, this is completely worth watching. I could completely see Tranji doing it.

After that, they transitioned to a freaking sweet Argentinian tango piece with Colya and Toni. Amazing. She came in sweeping the floor and he was a douchey customer at a table. RED HOT!This one is way hotter than any other Argentinian tango I've seen on the American SYTYCD. Actually, it may just be regular tango.

This was followed by a pretty, contemporary dance with Michael and Dasha.

Sasha and Mariam did a really fun hip hop number to Rama Lama Bang Bang.

There was a super sweet number here using a table--I originally thought it would be a rip off of the table dance from the American version, but it wasn't--and it kicked ass, but I can't find any video.

A group number! This is one of my favorites: GLADIATORS! If you only see one number, this is the one to see

Max and Olya did a pretty cool contemporary number where she has a mirror and he's trying to get in the way of her mirror.

Olexander and Tonya did my favorite swing number!

Zhenya and Maria did an emotional waltz. Not sure if I totally got the story, but it looked like she received some letter saying he was going off to war.

A super fun and funky group contemporary number where everyone was dressed as bugs. They came out from the audience! It was really cool!

Masha and Denis did a fun modern dance number where she was dressed as a violin and he was the violinist.

Max and Toni did this really cool "voodoo horror" jazz piece. They made fun use of a cauldron and voodoo doll.

I'm really bummed that I can't find these next two dances as videos. The first was a women's only number. They were dressed as flappers and they danced to All That Jazz.

Then the men came out, dressed as 30's gangsters and did a dance to Wild Wild West.

Dasha and Michael did a Broadway Vampire number to KISS by Tom Jones.

Sasha and Vika came out and did a cool JIVE number that started out on a couch

Olya and Olexander had a super emotional modern number that has what appears to be a cool storyline: he dies in a car crash and she is left to mourn him.

They had two other cool numbers in here. The first was a group number that was set to the sound of wind and it was a contemporary number. Pretty sweet.

Then there was a really really strange number with these aliens? two people were dressed in blue latex and danced with dress forms. I didn't really understand it, but it was entertaining.

Olya and Colya did a freaking amazing jive to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B.

Dasha and Michael did a super sweet contemporary horror dance. Very fun! The song was "Remember horror number?"

Another fun group dance! This one was a sort of "Adam"/garden of eden story? Maybe? It's weird and totally fun and done to Santogold - You'll Find A Way (Switch & Sinden Remix)

I WISH I COULD FIND THIS VIDEO! It was AMAZING! It was a quickstep to Puttin on the Ritz.

Zhenia and Mariam danced a Jazz number that was--no joke--her cast as a Dominatrix.

This group dance was MUCH BETTER in person...The entire beginning is LOST in this video! What you can't see is that everyone is lined side by side, and one by one they start doing very mechanical movements. AWESOME dance, but poor videography.

Masha and Denis did a very dramatic modern number about a prince and a princess on their wedding night! VERY dramatic!

Victoria and Martin did a really cool smooth contemporary dance number. She started out sitting on a chair, but her partner was under a sheet, and so she stood up and started dancing with her partner covered in a sheet. Very cool effect.

Dasha and Michael danced a tango that started with them standing on two chairs! Cool use of the chairs!

Finally, they had a big band number that was really fun, and again, no video.

The absolute last thing they did was bring out a cake to celebrate Oleksander's 21st birthday--and they smashed it in his face, then they had a cake fight on stage.

It was really really amazing and I'm really glad I went.

One year in Ukraine

Wow. It doesn’t seem like yesterday that I arrived, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it’s been a year.

October 1, 2007 I stepped off that plane into blistering hot heat. We were greeted by a sign in English saying “Welcome to Ukraine,” and we were greeted by friendly smiles from Peace Corps staff, friendly smiles that are still dear to my heart. It was unseasonably warm in Kyiv, and we were all dying while waiting on the bus. We were herded, eyes unseeing, ears unhearing, into our pre-training site. Everything was strange, the faces, the policies, the billboards. It was all novel—the Cyrillic signs, people speaking in an unfamiliar language, people selling things by the side of the road, the cars driving like they were in the Pole Position game, the layouts of the stores, the prices, the inability to communicate.

It was all novel because it was all new and interesting and WOW this was why we signed up for Peace Corps.

We were given our languages—I was given Russian, and some people rejoiced, while others complained. Our first day of language class—given the letters of our names and asked to make it into our names.

Д Ж У Л И Я

None familiar but that little Y, which wasn't a Y, but an OO. I couldn't spell my own name: Джулия. Overwhelming! Being taught to say “My name is” and ask “What is your name?” Running to the really cute security guard and asking him “Как вас завут?” KAK VAC ZAVOOT? Then giggling like crazy fangirls when he told us, then promptly forgetting because our brains short circuited at having spoken to a really good looking dude in a foreign language.

One year ago. Rumors of who was going where. Whispers of “So and so already knows about her family.” Talk of possibilities. I vaguely remember the presentation. I remember Vova’s funny talk about the Village with Town-like qualities, and Larissa’s talk of Chernigov with bellydancing. I remember being told I would be in Chernigov.

I remember how much luggage I had. WAY more than anyone in our group. A comical amount of luggage. I remember hauling it to the busses. I remember finally getting on our busses. I remember really really really having to pee and everyone filing into an LCF’s apartment to use the bathroom before heading to Chernigov. I wonder what the babushkas in the building thought—20 Americans stomping up the stairs and waiting in a line to go into this little apartment.

I remember getting to Chernigov. My host mother, Alla, was there. She was a large, stern-looking woman. I remember being intimidated and timid and so I stayed on the bus and helped people get their luggage. Finally got to her and felt embarrassed about all my luggage. Proudly said Меня завут Джулия MENYA ZAVOOT JULIA and her saying her name, then having literally nothing else to say other than hello. So I stayed silent. She seemed so serious, and I wondered what she thought of me. I wondered if she was happy to see me, because she didn’t smile. I wondered if she was irritated by my luggage, since we had to STUFF it into the taxi. I wondered if she was weirded out by this stranger living in her home who didn’t speak a lick of the language.


_{My host mother, Alla}

I remember the first meal. Some of the food was good, some was not so great, but there was too much of it. I remember feeling overwhelmed, and wanting to make a good impression, and forcing myself to overeat because I didn’t know how to say no politely. My host sister was shy, but she spoke English, which helped. Perhaps a bit too much. She was 17 and from the village, and only now do I believe I understand who she was in relation to my host mom—I think she was my host mom’s cousin’s daughter.

I remember doing charades to ask when to be woken up. I remember in the morning being walked to my class, which was very close. I remember being taught to say “I have a family. I have a mother. I have a father. I have a sister. Do you have a family?” I was introduced to Yulia, my host mother’s friend’s daughter. Yulia was my age and she couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous I sounded—and I did. “DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY?” sounds pretty funny, no matter how you say it. I remember my host mother asking me something, which sounded like “Do you need a magazine?” And I thought “I don’t need a magazine, I have one.” Later I realized she was asking if I needed to go to the store—the word “Magazine” means “Store” in Russian.

I remember enjoying language classes, and we had so many. I remember feeling frustrated and anxious and not making friends during training. I remember just feeling overwhelmed. I also remember the feelings of giving up near the end. Then came swearing in.

We met our counterparts, we met the US Ambassador.


_{My counterpart, Iryna}

We swore in. I was proud to be an American that day. Taking the oath that all of us take:

I, Julia Johansen, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the constitution of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion, and that I will well and faithfully discharge my duties in the Peace Corps of the United States of America, serving Ukraine to the best of my abilities and demonstrating the respect and consideration due its people. So help me God.

This past year has been packed.

I’ve made several lifelong friends—some best friends, both Ukrainian and American. I’ve come to have some favorite Ukrainian foods that I KNOW I will miss back in the US. I’ve learned to live and thrive within my community. I’ve learned that the more you know of a language the more you realize you don’t know. I’ve learned to speak Russian—enough to have conversations, but not enough to be able to tell my landlord properly that the pilot light on my kalonka keeps going out. I got a beautiful Ukrainian cat who is the perfect mixture of ornry and sweet. I have an apartment that I’m only ashamed to show people when it looks like a homeless person has been living here. I’ve settled into good routines. I filled out my first grant. I found great organizations and great people to work with. I’ve found what it is to be a Peace Corps Volunteer.

And you know, I’ve had it so much easier than many PCVs. So much so that I often hesitate to complain about having to take bucket baths in my modern bathroom, or that I have to walk through a small field of mud, or that my apartment feels cold. No one gossips about what I bought, or how much money I spend on shampoo. I, in general, have consistent hot water, I can use the water from my tap, and I even have water after midnight. I can throw my toilet paper in the toilet, and my toilet is in the same room as my bathtub. I have Internet in my apartment. My town sells pesto and hot sauce and bento boxes and bleu cheese.

And yet there is still a need. I am a Peace Corps Volunteer, and this has been one interesting year in my life.

Culture Shock

Your emotional reserves, which are what help you have that thick skin, are what help you not react to cultural moments. They are what you draw upon in order to be culturally appropriate, culturally sensitive, and that all-knowing, wise, open-minded American. They help you deal with people staring or people pointing to you, or a whole marshrutka full of people talking about the American and what do you think she's doing here and and she doesn't understand Russian (I DO!), etc. Not that that last thing happened recently.

The emotional reserves start to go away as you are bombarded by new culture, loss of freedom, loss of language, stress of language learning, not being able to talk to your best friend, not being able to eat food you love and are familiar with, being treated like you are three years old, being around Americans you may not like, getting trained in your job and having to do homework, having someone else tie your shoes for you (yes, this happened to me), being treated like a 3-year-old, having your personal space invaded, and your body space invaded.

Your emotional reserves can deal with any of those things, but the result of being bombarded by all these things all at once for an extended period of time drains them. You lose that thick skin. Things start to bother you that would ordinarily not bother you. You become a bit more emotionally frayed and you react more. Because those emotional reserves are tapped—they're too busy trying to deal with the big stuff that the little stuff seeps through.

I knew this would happen. During our training, they showed us a video of the negative things that could happen, specifically sexual harassment. A woman in the video told about how she was sexually harassed every day with all the cat calls and sexual comments tossed at her as she walked down the street every day. One gal in our group made the comment that was pretty much along the lines of: "She should be more culturally sensitive. That's just part of Latino culture, and she shouldn't apply American standards to their culture." Or something close to that. I remember thinking at the time that the girl in our training girl had no idea what she was talking about, because something happening day after day has *got* to wear at you.

It's like someone touching you. That's fine. But now imagine them touching you in the same spot again and again and again. Where you could first shrug it off, now it's a point of contention and irritation and you JUST WANT THEM TO STOP. I knew this at the beginning of training.

And yet I was completely shocked when culture shock hit me. I remember it so clearly. A girl in my language lesson snapped at me. It was Halloween, only 31 days after getting into Ukraine. Only 31 days of Peace Corps training. Only 31 days of using up those emotional reserves. The comment ate at me all day. It made me angry and sick and more angry. For some reason, around 11pm, I just started bawling. I tried to call my best friend in America, but my phone had no money on it, which made me cry harder, and I had no idea why, which made me cry even harder. And not some stoic lady-like cry—this was an "8-year-old-who-just-got-spanked-and-now-can't-go-to-the-sleepover cry. There was nothing I could put my finger on--not any one thing, except for some stupid little comment, and I sure as hell knew one small comment didn't cause this reaction.

I probably sobbed for three hours that night. It really sucked. My own emotional reaction shocked me--I haven't bawled that hard in a while--I'm 32 and kinda thought I was past that.

Things that really helped me: Peace Corps's booklet called "A Few Minor Adjustments," which addresses culture shock. It really helped. REALLY. Also, making friends that I really liked and who I could call and talk to, because previously I had felt very alone being amongst so many Americans and not really having a close friend.

It hit me that hard again, about 6 months in country. It was late at night and I started to just feel SO ALONE. I went to the disco, hoping that just being around people would make me feel better, but it made me feel more alone, and I called America, sobbing at the disco. I just couldn't stop crying. It sucked.

I hate being shocked at my own emotional reactions. I hate when they take me unawares. I was shocked at myself the first time I screamed at my host sister (17 year olds!!!). I was shocked at myself when I got angry at every little thing. I was shocked at myself by how dismayed I was at having fried eggs with TOO MUCH OIL. And yet, when those reserves are drained, you are the emotional equivalent of a car without shocks on a rocky road.

I consider myself lucky--two emotional breakdowns in 11 months. For six months it's been smooth sailing, and I'm in a position to have built up those emotional reserves. I have autonomy, I have friends, I have people close to me, I can communicate, I have internet (woo hoo!). But I also know it's likely that I'll have at least one or two more of these moments.

The following is a metaphor I wrote about culture shock:



I'd wanted to swim in the ocean for about 10 years. More precisely, I wanted to be flown in a helicopter out in the middle of the ocean, be dropped out far enough that I couldn't see the land, then I wanted to swim to shore.

I'd read all the books about what to do, what to take, and how to do it. I had my shark repellent, my space sticks energy sticks, and even a flare for if it got really bad. Gearing up for this moment, I practiced every day in the swimming pool, and I was totally pumped. I'd even read first-hand accounts from people who had done precisely this same thing. I even knew what emotions I would likely be feeling and how to deal with them.

I was prepared. Everything was ready. I was ready. Completely.

They flew me in a helicopter, told me exactly what to do if I needed help, then I made the leap into that huge ocean. I watched the helicopter fly away, and I started to swim. I was feeling strong and awesome. Everything was going according to plan.

Then I started to get a little tired, and I felt something bump my foot. The smell of the salt water was getting to me, and I was starting to get a sunburn. I realized that as much as I had prepared, NOTHING could have prepared me for that feeling of being in the middle of the ocean all alone and not being able to see shore. I started to feel overwhelmed by all the water around me and how alone I felt, but I pushed it off, knowing I couldn't feel this way because I had prepared. But what I hadn't prepared for was my very own emotional reaction to everything. As much as my brain was ready, my emotions weren't, and after much pushing down, the emotions overwhelmed me.

It finally passed and I pressed on. The dream and the realization of that dream driving me further. Most of the time I'm fine and it's under control, but every now and then, the vastness of the sea gets to me.

10.14.07 Miles and miles of mayo.

Really--people in Ukraine LOVE their mayo. White creamy sauces are their favorites. If it's not mayo it's sour cream or whole milk.

I was in the store and I couldn't believe how many different kinds of mayo were available. So I took a video of all of it. I call it "miles of mayo".

If you ever come to eat in Ukraine, ready your stomachs. You will get your dinner on a plate or a bowl, finish it and think you are done. But no. You will then get a second plate FILLED with food. You look in dismay at how much food is on the plate, but you steady yourself for this marathon eating event, with the end goal in sight. Finally you cross that finish line and think you are done, but NO. There's one more plate there, set in front of you with JUST as much food.

By this time you have eaten some food that is great, some that is okay, and some that you would be happy if you never ate again. Whatever you've eaten, at this point you feel like they could roll you out of the room, and they're pushing the plate toward you saying EAT EAT EAT in a loud voice. You think you're going to be sick from eating SO MUCH FOOD, but you don't want to be rude, and everyone keeps insisting regardless of the "help me" look in your eyes, so you slowly start to eat. You can't attack it with the gusto you had to begin with, because your stomach is screaming at you "what the hell! Are you trying to kill me!?" and you MAYBE finish. And finally you're done.

Nope. Now there's the blintzes (pancakes that you eat with sour cream) and chai and cookies and cakes.

I'm not lying to you. That's how almost every one of my dinners has been. I noticed that my host sister wasn't expected to eat nearly as much as I was, so I said "HEY--Why doesn't she EAT EAT EAT" and she says (and I'm so not lying) "You are eating for two" I yell HEY, I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! What her meaning was: I was eating supper and dinner--so I was eating two meals at once.

Yeah, losing weight while living with a host family is IMPOSSIBLE. At least tonight I was able to totally refuse the hot dog. I also told her I'd try a little of everything on Tuesday (her birthday), but I'm trying to steel my stomach for all the mayo dishes.

I just hope they don't make me eat "poop". (see the "poop" post)

10.12.07 I'm culturally sensitive and appropriate!

You have no idea how relieved I am to know that the posts I'd bookmarked for public entry in my other blog were approved! The director even remarked that my writing was very interesting!

Trying to talk about differences without sounding like you are making judgments is more difficult than you would think. Take the salo. It's literally a slice of pig fat you eat on bread. When you describe it, what words would you use? Whatever you thought about it, however much you are turning up your face at it right now, be aware it is "Ukrainian Narcotic." They love it and can't get enough of it. I tried it and didn't think it was bad.

Thankfully I've had the experiences of being an ESL teacher, and I've had the opposite experience: telling students to try something and they turn their face up at it. They judge it before they try it, they refuse to try it, they make faces. And here I am telling them about a wonderful thing! I wonder how they describe what I was talking about.

More about Ukraine!

First thing is first: When you enter the home, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES! Really. This means always wearing your best socks. Unless you're in school, you will constantly be taking your shoes off. And since you wash your socks and undies by hand, make sure you don't get white. Nothing says "gross!" like dingy white (now grey) socks. Second: WASH YOUR HANDS! My host mom is constantly motioning for me to wash my hands. Ha ha! I've beat her at her own game and so far have had my hands washed by the time she's said it to me. Thirdly: if you're visiting, BRING A GIFT! Btw, it's okay to leave the price tag on here! I was giving my host mom a small dessert and, while walking, I was starting to tear off the price tag and my host sister looked at me strange and said "what are you doing?" Well, duh! It's rude to give a gift with the price tag on. Not here. In the US I've received gifts with the tags on and the person noticed, grabbed it out of my hand after I'd seen the price, pulled off the price tag and handed it back to me. Okay, to be fair, I've done that as well. Here, apparently not a big deal. Oh, and lastly: remember that if there's a trash can in the bathroom, put your used paper in there. I've probably mentioned it a few times already and will probably mention it a few times more, but it would be really embarrassing to forget and have the toilet back up and have someone talking in loud Ukrainian or Russian about your bathroom business. I'm not speaking from experience. I swear. Really.

Today: Today was a great day. I went to bed WAAAY too late last night. I was writing a huge long email to friends and had to read a lot of pages for my homework. I woke up in the middle of the night because my door was squeaking open. I swear I would kill for some beeswax and WD40. Really. Okay, not really. So I got up and threw a sock over the top of the door and it shut tight. Ah. My host mom, in the morning after I pantomimed the squeaky door (by the way I will TOTALLY PWN AT TIME'S UP when I finish my two year stint here), she said "JULIA" and walked me into my room and locked the door from the inside. Okay okay, but I only like to lock my door if I really need people to stay out. Is that strange? So I've now sacrificed a nowgrey sock to the door gods.

Breakfast was big, as usual. And dinner-like, as usual. I don't think most cultures have such clearly defined parameters for "breakfast food" as in the United States. Really. Don't believe me? Try serving cold cereal to your guests for dinner. Or pancakes and eggs and sausage for lunch. From what I've seen, most cultures don't delineate specifically "breakfast food." Of course I come from the one culture that does, and I wonder if I'll ever get used to it after 30 years of specific breakfast foods.

After breakfast, on to language. Yesterday we started learning how to use the present tense! Hooray! (I'm still hung up on wanting past tense!) So now instead of "Julia to wash" and pointing at the dishes, I can say "I wash" and point at the dishes. Rules! Also I can say "I study Russian!" and "I speak little Russian" (Ya gavaryou tchoot-tchoot Pa-Russky). I feel like a pro. And during language class I was able to match all the correct endings with the correct subjects. SCORE!

Today we started our unit on food. We activated prior knowledge and named all the foods we could. We got a lot, actually! We also got a lot of homework! Yai yai! After our lesson I had a tutoring session. I asked about some words. I'm such a language teacher--I'm constantly saying "that ending means that word is an adjective, right?" and things to that effect. For me, knowledge of the language is as important as learning phrases. Well, for my longer term goal. Of course I want to know how to say things like "Repeat please", but I do want to understand the cogs and inner workings of a language as well--it's the language teacher in me. I got a Russian magazine called "Good advice". My teacher helped me read through part of it. We looked at the recipe section and through the index. I'm really excited about the words I can recognize. Even later today when I heard people speaking out of context and I was able to connect that with meaning, it was so exciting!

After the lesson I made my way to the bazaar. I found my host mom's booth--she sells shirts and jackets, and I took oodles of pictures of the "Ukrainski fashion" for my "Amerikanski padrooga". I was able to ask them if I could take pictures ("Harasho?" and pointing at the camera) and able to indicate that in the US we don't bling out our jeans and don't usually wear runway model boots. So yeah, most of my pictures from the bazaar are of jeans butts (they were laid out and folded, not on people!) and boots. I got some great pictures of the bazaar as well--some booths and a great shot of the church overlooking the bazaar.

I also relearned the sneaky way of taking pictures. Looking like you're "Just holding" the camera down by your waist, but you're serruptitiously snapping pictures with your thumb. It's not that I'm trying to be all Cloak and Dagger, but people look at you strangely enough just because you're American, so having them not stare MORE is a good thing.

In the center I found a woman selling magazines outside. I bought a Russian Cosmo and told her I speak a little Russian and that I'm studying Russian. I saw she had a Harry Potter and was going to buy it but she said no and showed me that it was in Ukrainian! Good save!

I found a bookstore and blew my personal wad on a bigger Russian/English dictionary and a Russian Harry Potter. 45G!!! Wow. That's not a lot US, but it's a LOT here. But it's the one Russian book I really wanted to buy. My Russian Cosmo, Good Advice, Fantastic Four comic, and my Harry Potter are really all the Russian reading materials I need.

After the bookstore I went into the 2 Geese cafe. I bought some food and sat and internetted for over an hour. Did I mention I love the internet? I love WiFi. I like internet cafes, but I LOVE being able to use MY computer with its English default language that I can read all the warnings and 404 pages and understand all the menus. I really do.

I bought a Life :) card, but apparently it doesn't work! Argh. My host sister wants to go to the center with me tomorrow to talk to the boy who sold it to me. Okay okay. She was looking through my Cosmo and found a sample of this "untinted" foundation. Apparently "untinted" in Russia means you have quite the tan. After she smeared it on my face I smeared it on hers. It was very girlie. I'm having a lot of fun bonding with her. Apparently I translate the same to teenagers. All my teenage "friends" regardless of country end up mock punching me. What's up with that? It's fun and cute.

It was really nice to be able to talk to my host mom a little. I can REALLY see an improvement i my Russian. The first day I wasn't able to say ANYTHING to her, and today I was able to ask her if we were going to make borsch on Sunday (okay, I said "tomorrow tomorrow" for "the day after tomorrow", but still--communication!). I was also able to say "I wash" when she took my dish. hooray me!

Tomorrow is Chirnihiv's 75th birthday of being made the capital of this oblast. There are going to be lots of festivities in town. I'm pretty excited about it. It should be lots of fun.

My life has invaded my dreams!

Last night I didn't just fall asleep. "Fall" is too gentle of a word. It was more like I was bitch-slapped asleep. I started dreaming while I was still aware of my physical presence. I could feel what position I was sleeping in, I could feel my pillow, I was aware of the time, but I started dreaming other people were in the room. I dreamed Cindy and E and Larissa were in the room and we were having another Russian lesson in my room! In my dream I was actually laying on some of the Russian papers with phrases written on them (Like "otkooda vwieu") and they were talking to me in Russian and expecting a reply. In my dream/real life I tried to answer but was too exhausted. (I really wouldn't be surprised if I really did try to answer irl) I was also thinking to myself "Why are we having a language lesson this late!?"

The dream then morphed into a great one. I dreamed I was in Ukraine and met this great guy. We were speaking in Russian and I found out he was an ex-pat and had been living in Ukraine for the past few years. He really liked me and as we were talking I asked if he liked the show "Friends" and he said "No, I prefer Stargate." He then proceeded to show me his stargate tattoo! I practically flipped out in my dream.

Back to reality. I went to bed at 8pm and woke up just before 9am. I only woke up once in the night to use the bathroom. Amazing and rested I was! My host sister made me breakfast (The host families agree to make breakfast and dinner for us) and I washed all our dishes. She and I watched some music videos together (her: Enrique Iglacias is so good looking!) We also were looking out the window and giggled together at the two guys looking out their window in the apartment down the way who weren't wearing their shirts. She walked me down to the bazaar to buy some toothpaste (pasta) and some other things. Her shoes are amazing.

After we finished with our purchases (she helped me pick out an appropriate Ukrainian hair scrunchie. It's very blinged out with the sparkles) I went on to the center of town.

My frustration today: I lost the back of my phone! How the heck does that happen?

The center is about a mile and a half from my house. It was a nice walk and I started noticing different businesses and trying to memorize where things are in my community. I met up with Cindy at McDonalds (it's the only McDonalds here in Chirnihiv, so it's a great recognizable landmark). We started searching around for the internet cafe, and spent a good half hour looking for the sushi place, which we knew to be near the internet cafe. We stopped in a restaurant and bought some food and then found the library and studied for a while. I think I know my numbers. I at least can recognize them. I can produce about 80% of them.

When we got to the library a woman stopped us. Apparently you can't take your bags upstairs in the library, so there's a bag check at the front. I had to take out all my study materials and leave my bag. The great thing was that the lady had a piece of paper already prepared in English that had that rule as well as things like "Unfortunately you cannot check out materials because you do not have documents"

Upstairs there are all kinds of card catalogs and paintings on the wall and tons of desks/tables. We went to a room filled with tables and chairs. Great place for studying! Apparently in Ukraine it's not cool to study at a cafe or restaurant. It's kind of weird. I met a few Ukrainian students (I needed them to write "21" in Ukrainian for me). They spoke some English and Andrew introduced himself. They were history students!

Cindy left while I was studying and went to the internet cafe. I stayed for another half hour? and made my way over to the internet cafe as well. She was in line for internet. The internet cafe we went to has 26 computers. You give them XXX Grivnyas (their dollars) and they give you a receipt with a number on it. You go to that computer and when you are finished you hand the operator the receipt and she gives you money back. I gave her 20 grivnyas. Apparently it was only .70 or so an hour (that would be $.14US. Awesome.

I spent a good three hours in that internet cafe. I emailed my friends and family, I chatted with my best friend Selene, and spent a good two hours reading blogs. It was great. It totally recharged me. Remember the smoker analogy? Well, I got my full pack in and was able to leisurely smoke it. Ahhhh. That's what it felt like to me--slipping into a warm bath and not having any pressures. My host mom called when I had almost finished up and I had the guy next to me talk to her. I bought her some flowers on the way home--3Grivnyas ($.60US) and bought a ton of baby pears for only 2.5Grivnyas ($.50US). I waited for the bus and experienced my first EEK moment. I knew where my bus stop was and tried to get off, but the bus took off and I was like "what?" I got off at the one down the corner, but it's very frustrating not to be able to say "WAIT! It's my stop!" when you need to say "wait! It's my stop!"

Got home and gave the flowers to my host mom (I swear to you that if they're always that cheap I'm buying fresh flowers for myself every week in my apartment). She made me a great soup with potatoes and carrots and onions in it and flavored with dill. Mid eating that she brought me a plate of seasoned rice, two hot dogs and a tomato. While eating that she brought out a purple dish. It was very pretty--it looked like frosting or sour cream on the top which was purple from beets, there was a design in the top made of carrots, and a beet flower in the top. I told her I'd try a tiny bit (tchoot-tchoot) and in it was chicken and sour cream and maybe rice? Some was hard to identify. I told her it was so-so and thanked her for it.

When you eat in a Ukrainian home, understand that an empty plate means "Please give me more." So if you're done eating, leave food on your plate. Trust me.

My host mom and I then chatted for a bit. By chatted I mean drew pictures and looked up words in the dictionary. I read her my paragraph about my family. Here is my paragraph:

This is my family. I have a mother. Her name is Deana. I have a father. His name is Joel. My father is a carpenter. His hobby is repairing radios. My mother is a librarian. Her hobby is church.

Nice job, me! I asked my host mom about her family, and we figured out both our families between the dictionary and pictures, and she helped me with Russian spelling of names. Then into my room for studying and writing of blog. And now you're up to date.

10.05.07 Same as it ever was

Am awake with insomnia. Apparently my body isn't doing as well with the 10 hour time difference as I thought. While it's 2am and change here, it's 4pm and change there. I'm pleased to report that your tomorrow is looking good. Except for the first night when I was EXHAUSTED, I haven't yet slept an entire night through. This is the third day waking up at 4am, 3am, 2am.

Today was a good day! Let me break it down thematically

Food: Breakfast was marvelous. The food I've eaten has been very rich, and while it is extremely tasty, I'm a little worried that I won't be able to leave at the end of two years because I will be too big to fit on the plane. I've had so many bready-foods. This morning it was delicious pancake rolls--they were about the size of a deck of cards, they were sweet like pancake batter, and perfectly cooked to a slight crispy on the outside and warm and doughy on the inside. I put applesauce on mine and was immediately chided by my Mama. (It was great, though!). I also had a savory pancake type dish, which was flatter and had less sweet and had bell peppers in them. First I thought they were apples, so the savory flavor surprised me. So this morning--Mama has 4 of the pancake rolls for me, a large savory pancake dish, and sweet chai (tea). You see my dilemma! Delicious food = more of me to love, no delicious food = no delicious food. But, we were running late, so this is also the first time Mama didn't continue to tell me Eat Eat Eat Eat in Russian. For dinner I had BORSCH!!! It was seriously the MOST DELICIOUS THING EVER. Holy crap it was so good. Mama Ala said she would teach me on Sunday. I also had applesauce filled blintzes. YUM!

Going places: This morning we all met at the center of town (McDonalds--there's only one here) and took another bus to the consolate building (I think that's what it was). We got back to our language teacher's apartment without her help! Hooray!

Language: I was able to ask for and buy sugar at the store! Hooray! Also, feel like I'm keeping on pace with the class. I do have hours of studying ahead of me, but that's how I keep on pace.

Relationships: I feel like I'm really bonding with Cindy. We have things in common, we have fun together, it's just good. I also bonded with my host mom's granddaughter. She helped me with learning my numbers. It's crazy to me how patient 5 year olds can be sometimes, and she has so much more of the language than I do. So seriously, we spent a good 30-45 minutes doing numbers. She's also started hugging me a lot. I'm not used to kids hugging me, and it's strangely nice!

Daily life: I successfully washed my own delicates today. My host family has a washing machine, but it's only for pants/sweaters, etc. Any smaller items (bras, undies and socks) get washed by hand, and so I washed my first "load" by hand today. The 5 year old kept me company and I was trying to teach her "Row Row Row your boat. I'm also starting to get into a routine, which I love. I love routines. Wake up, take off the pillows, fold the blanket, fold the sheets. Put pillows, blanket and sheets in the cabinet. Put decorative pillows back on the bed. Get dressed, eat, fix face (I'm actually trying to do makeup every day. In Ukraine it's things like that that show people you care. Seriously.), take vitamins, leave.

And of course: a new simcard! I can finally send and recieve messages! The nice thing is that receiving phone calls is FREE! Woot!

But, of course these accomplishments cannot come without trials. Here were my trials for the day:

Food: I am a big girl! It's hard not to turn down delicious food. In addition to feeling like I'm putting someone out by not eating their food, I love delicious food! I did manage to say "Excellent but diet!" and I scraped off the loads of sour cream she poured over the blintzes. I am totally willing to try everything, but it's hard when you don't know how to say things like "I did enjoy that slice of pork fat on my bread, but it's not something I can eat everyday."

Language: I don't think I have ever really had a full appreciation for how frustrating it is not to be able to express yourself. I'm so into clear communication and emotional conversation and I'm reduced to nouns and pantomimes. I can't say "Today I learned..." I have to just show them the pages from class. I can't say "I want to take a shower first and then eat" I have to say "doosh" (Russian for "bath") and hold up one finger and say "Yest" (Russian for "to eat") and hold up 2 fingers. Having a master's degree and not even being able to say "It's really beautiful here and I really appreciate how much work you've done for me to be here" instead I say "Spaceeba" (thank you) and "harasho" (good) a lot. It's like being a gymnast and being paralyzed from the waist down. You, of course, rejoice that you can move your big toe, but on some level you think "it's just a toe!!!"

Dope moments: I dropped money for a new phone and sim card. I'm an IDIOT--I had a triband phone and was completely caught up in the heat of the moment and spent over half my cash on a new phone. It was the cheapest and I REALLY REALLY hope that one of the other volunteers will take it off my hands. On the up side, my cell phone works now!

Being an addict is hard! Thankfully my addiction is to technology and internet and the only real physical hardness I have to worry about is actually physically bonding with my couch. The only true benefit an addict like me would have in going to a mud hut in Africa (most people's first thought about Peace Corps) is that the technology just isn't there in the villages. It's not even an option. Here, however, in my building I feel like I have all the cigarettes I want but no lighter. That's right--wireless network, I can connect, but CAN'T GET ON THE INTERNET. The times I have been able to get online have been a 5 pack a day smoker's equivalent of getting a few drags in while someone is watching you. A few minutes here, a few minutes there, the class is waiting, the person is waiting. I'm looking forward to Sunday when I can relax on the internet. heh.

The plusses really do outweigh any minuses which come from not being able to speak a language and not really knowing a culture. I love it here. I have wanted to be in a situation where I'm learning a new language in a structured setting for several hours a day, and in this case my expectations were far exceeded--only five people in my language class! AND, after the 3 month language training period I can have a personal tutor. My entire two years in Peace Corps! That absolutely amazes me.