Ukrainian party vs. American culture party

Party expectations in Ukraine are very different than they are in America. It's good to know this before you arrive to your first Ukrainian party, or before you invite your first Ukrainian to your party. The first is that Ukrainian parties are ALWAYS dinner parties, and they will expect a full meal.

Arrive to the party with some sort of edible/drinkable gift, such as juice, chocolate, vodka, wine, etc. In the main room there will be a huge table in the middle set up with chairs/sofas/stools around it. All the food will be set on the table.

Food that will always be present:

* a veggie plate with slices of cucumbers, tomatoes and sometimes green peppers
* a platter of cut sausages and cheese
* at least 2 kinds of mayonnaise based salads (such as krab+corn+chinese cabbage+mayo, or cabbage+peas+sausage+mayo, or eggs+onions+cheese+garlic+mayo, or apples+shrimp+egg+mayo) (oh, and those are real salads--I called my host sister up just now and asked her to tell me the ingredients for some standard mayo salads, so I wasn't being crazy with those).
* Pickled herring
* Sandwiches, consisting of single, small pieces of bread with any of the following on top: butter+cheese, butter+sausage, butter+sausage+cheese, caviar, mayo+small fishies
* Shuba (a layered salad with the following ingredients in descending order: chopped egg, mayonaise, beets, egg, carrots, onion, and pickled herring).


_{Don't be fooled! Thar be fish in that thar salad.}

* Flattened, fried chicken or fish
* Galuptsi (meat rolled up in cooked cabbage leaves)
* Hot chicken or cutlets
* Some hot potato dish, such as mashed potatoes
* Bottles of vodka, a pear soda which they call "water," congac or wine


_{The food keeps coming and you keep staying in the same place}

At the beginning of the party you would choose your spot around the table. This will be your place for the entire evening, so choose your companions wisely! You will then sit, eat, and talk. That is the party. Food would come out in stages, there would be tons of toasts, you'd be totally full, tipsy, and have made great friends.

Near the end of the party, your hostess would ask if you would like coffee or tea (black or green). Along with your coffee or tea you'd get sweet dishes, which may include cake, chocolate, or cookies. You will NEVER be served sweet things without coffee or tea. According to my Ukrainian friends, they're just not tasty without tea or coffee. So your slice of birthday cake (well, they don't really do "birthday cakes") will be accompanied by tea. :)

That's the standard Ukrainian party.

My parties, however, are nothing like this. As an American English teacher, I like to have parties that are high on culture and low on drinking. My parties are a great place to practice English, learn a little about American culture, and do some fun activities! My parties in Ukraine have been very successful, and they're something I plan to continue in whatever country I'm in, so I thought I'd share my party prep ideas.

Step One: Choose a theme
This step is crucial. If you're doing a holiday party, the theme chooses itself. Go all out and embrace that holiday. If you're doing a birthday party or a non-holiday party, it's important to select a good theme. It will drive everything else: the music, the food (to some extent), the costumes (if you're doing that), the games, etc.

My theme this year is Flora and Fauna.

My party is a costume party. Everyone is expected to come in costumes and bring food and drink to share. In Ukraine none of these are typical, so I make sure to tell them via sms. I also teach them the word "potluck" :)

Step Two: Choose the decorations/your costume
For my party this year I'm dressing up as a lounge jaguar :) I have my awesome jaguar-print pjs, will do makeup and make ears and a tail to go along with this and I'm done. For decorations, I bought some self sticking, dark green scotch paper that I will cut into long, wavy grass and stick on the walls, along with flowers, butterflies, etc. I'm making a bumblebee pinata, and the like.


_{First time doing cat makeup! Pretty darn good if I say so myself!}

Step Three: Choose the activities
For me, this is what really drives things. This is the part I very much enjoy, and something that makes my parties stand out. If you have an awesome theme and awesome decorations, sure you can just let the party be, but if you want something great for non-native speakers, something that will give them a chance to practice English/learn about American culture, this is super important. Plus, it's fun for native speakers as well.

* Songs. I like to pick some songs to teach that fit with the theme. For my V-day party I picked "The Riddle Song," "Love Me Tender," "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" and "All You Need is Love." I print lyrics, my friend plays guitar, and we all sing together. For my Flora & Fauna party I think we're going to do "Jeremiah was a bullfrog," and not sure which else yet.

* Crafts. This is something new for me, but it worked really well at my Valentine's day party. I gave everyone the tools for making V-Day cards. That way we could hang out, people could chat, work on crafts, and have something to show for their night. For the Flora & Fauna I'm doing origami!

* Games. I like doing things like scavenger hunts or pictionary or taboo. For V-day we did a kissing game--one partner had a bright lipstick on and had to kiss their partner on the face as many times possible within 15 seconds. We then counted kiss marks. Another game was for a partnership to open a candybar together with their hands behind their backs. :)


_{The girls are counting how many lipstick marks Daniel has on his face}

* Food. By asking people to bring food/drinks to share, you ensure that you will have enough food, but not TOO MUCH food. I like to provide something theme-y like heart shaped cookies or red/pink foods for V-Day, or traditional Thanksgiving food for T-Day. You can do fun things like serve eggnog or spiced wine at a Christmas party, green beer at St Patty's day, etc. The more "traditional" or theme related, the more fun it is.
* Etc. For Halloween I'll do things like bobbing for apples, pumpkin carving and the like. On Valentine's Day, we composed proverbs about Love--I provided the word LOVE+a random word. They came up with gems like "LOVE is a HOUSE I want to live in always" and "LOVE is like WINE--it makes you feel good and you want more."

I teach people the word "mingle" and show them how to do it (really, they don't usually do it amongst themselves). I also occasionally like to have prizes to encourage certain behaviors. Want people to have fabulous outfits? Give a prize for best costume. Want people to put lots of effort into a game? Give a prize to the winner. It helps to let people know that ahead of time. Also, if you really want everyone in a costume, provide for those who have come without costume--for my party I'll have animal hats/masks for them to wear.

I make sure to tell people early, then a week before, then a day or two before. People are very forgetful, so it helps to have an initial invite and then two reminders. I also don't have drinking at my party. If someone wants to bring alcohol, they can, but I ask them to bring nothing stronger than wine, champagne, or beer. I like showing them how to make mimosas. :)

That, my friends, is something that takes up a fair bit of my energy in Peace Corps. So far I've thrown about 6 of these parties, and they get better and better. At my Valentine's day party I even had my English club put on a play! :) As you can see, it fits Peace Corps's 2nd goal very well, which is to teach host country nationals more about America and Americans. I put a fair bit of time and myself into these parties, and I've even seen results--I went to a girl's birthday party and she'd pushed the table to the side of the room and had activities! It was really great. People were surprised, but they had a great time.

Other things I've learned: If your party is big, it can be a great idea to have responsible friends take on this role: emcee, dj, bartender, even host. If you do want to have a bar, I recommend making a SINGLE party drink based on a SINGLE kind of alcohol. For my "high school stereotypes" party in America, we made a punch. For my "runway models" party in America I made the mistake of wanting a full bar, and as a result, half my budget went to alcohol. If I did it again I would serve just mimosas, and invite people to bring other alcohols. I also like to give people the opportunity to do different things. If the space is large enough, I like to have a quiet room for conversations, a louder room for games, a dance floor, etc.

Enjoy!

10.14.07 Miles and miles of mayo.

Really--people in Ukraine LOVE their mayo. White creamy sauces are their favorites. If it's not mayo it's sour cream or whole milk.

I was in the store and I couldn't believe how many different kinds of mayo were available. So I took a video of all of it. I call it "miles of mayo".

If you ever come to eat in Ukraine, ready your stomachs. You will get your dinner on a plate or a bowl, finish it and think you are done. But no. You will then get a second plate FILLED with food. You look in dismay at how much food is on the plate, but you steady yourself for this marathon eating event, with the end goal in sight. Finally you cross that finish line and think you are done, but NO. There's one more plate there, set in front of you with JUST as much food.

By this time you have eaten some food that is great, some that is okay, and some that you would be happy if you never ate again. Whatever you've eaten, at this point you feel like they could roll you out of the room, and they're pushing the plate toward you saying EAT EAT EAT in a loud voice. You think you're going to be sick from eating SO MUCH FOOD, but you don't want to be rude, and everyone keeps insisting regardless of the "help me" look in your eyes, so you slowly start to eat. You can't attack it with the gusto you had to begin with, because your stomach is screaming at you "what the hell! Are you trying to kill me!?" and you MAYBE finish. And finally you're done.

Nope. Now there's the blintzes (pancakes that you eat with sour cream) and chai and cookies and cakes.

I'm not lying to you. That's how almost every one of my dinners has been. I noticed that my host sister wasn't expected to eat nearly as much as I was, so I said "HEY--Why doesn't she EAT EAT EAT" and she says (and I'm so not lying) "You are eating for two" I yell HEY, I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! What her meaning was: I was eating supper and dinner--so I was eating two meals at once.

Yeah, losing weight while living with a host family is IMPOSSIBLE. At least tonight I was able to totally refuse the hot dog. I also told her I'd try a little of everything on Tuesday (her birthday), but I'm trying to steel my stomach for all the mayo dishes.

I just hope they don't make me eat "poop". (see the "poop" post)

10.05.07 Same as it ever was

Am awake with insomnia. Apparently my body isn't doing as well with the 10 hour time difference as I thought. While it's 2am and change here, it's 4pm and change there. I'm pleased to report that your tomorrow is looking good. Except for the first night when I was EXHAUSTED, I haven't yet slept an entire night through. This is the third day waking up at 4am, 3am, 2am.

Today was a good day! Let me break it down thematically

Food: Breakfast was marvelous. The food I've eaten has been very rich, and while it is extremely tasty, I'm a little worried that I won't be able to leave at the end of two years because I will be too big to fit on the plane. I've had so many bready-foods. This morning it was delicious pancake rolls--they were about the size of a deck of cards, they were sweet like pancake batter, and perfectly cooked to a slight crispy on the outside and warm and doughy on the inside. I put applesauce on mine and was immediately chided by my Mama. (It was great, though!). I also had a savory pancake type dish, which was flatter and had less sweet and had bell peppers in them. First I thought they were apples, so the savory flavor surprised me. So this morning--Mama has 4 of the pancake rolls for me, a large savory pancake dish, and sweet chai (tea). You see my dilemma! Delicious food = more of me to love, no delicious food = no delicious food. But, we were running late, so this is also the first time Mama didn't continue to tell me Eat Eat Eat Eat in Russian. For dinner I had BORSCH!!! It was seriously the MOST DELICIOUS THING EVER. Holy crap it was so good. Mama Ala said she would teach me on Sunday. I also had applesauce filled blintzes. YUM!

Going places: This morning we all met at the center of town (McDonalds--there's only one here) and took another bus to the consolate building (I think that's what it was). We got back to our language teacher's apartment without her help! Hooray!

Language: I was able to ask for and buy sugar at the store! Hooray! Also, feel like I'm keeping on pace with the class. I do have hours of studying ahead of me, but that's how I keep on pace.

Relationships: I feel like I'm really bonding with Cindy. We have things in common, we have fun together, it's just good. I also bonded with my host mom's granddaughter. She helped me with learning my numbers. It's crazy to me how patient 5 year olds can be sometimes, and she has so much more of the language than I do. So seriously, we spent a good 30-45 minutes doing numbers. She's also started hugging me a lot. I'm not used to kids hugging me, and it's strangely nice!

Daily life: I successfully washed my own delicates today. My host family has a washing machine, but it's only for pants/sweaters, etc. Any smaller items (bras, undies and socks) get washed by hand, and so I washed my first "load" by hand today. The 5 year old kept me company and I was trying to teach her "Row Row Row your boat. I'm also starting to get into a routine, which I love. I love routines. Wake up, take off the pillows, fold the blanket, fold the sheets. Put pillows, blanket and sheets in the cabinet. Put decorative pillows back on the bed. Get dressed, eat, fix face (I'm actually trying to do makeup every day. In Ukraine it's things like that that show people you care. Seriously.), take vitamins, leave.

And of course: a new simcard! I can finally send and recieve messages! The nice thing is that receiving phone calls is FREE! Woot!

But, of course these accomplishments cannot come without trials. Here were my trials for the day:

Food: I am a big girl! It's hard not to turn down delicious food. In addition to feeling like I'm putting someone out by not eating their food, I love delicious food! I did manage to say "Excellent but diet!" and I scraped off the loads of sour cream she poured over the blintzes. I am totally willing to try everything, but it's hard when you don't know how to say things like "I did enjoy that slice of pork fat on my bread, but it's not something I can eat everyday."

Language: I don't think I have ever really had a full appreciation for how frustrating it is not to be able to express yourself. I'm so into clear communication and emotional conversation and I'm reduced to nouns and pantomimes. I can't say "Today I learned..." I have to just show them the pages from class. I can't say "I want to take a shower first and then eat" I have to say "doosh" (Russian for "bath") and hold up one finger and say "Yest" (Russian for "to eat") and hold up 2 fingers. Having a master's degree and not even being able to say "It's really beautiful here and I really appreciate how much work you've done for me to be here" instead I say "Spaceeba" (thank you) and "harasho" (good) a lot. It's like being a gymnast and being paralyzed from the waist down. You, of course, rejoice that you can move your big toe, but on some level you think "it's just a toe!!!"

Dope moments: I dropped money for a new phone and sim card. I'm an IDIOT--I had a triband phone and was completely caught up in the heat of the moment and spent over half my cash on a new phone. It was the cheapest and I REALLY REALLY hope that one of the other volunteers will take it off my hands. On the up side, my cell phone works now!

Being an addict is hard! Thankfully my addiction is to technology and internet and the only real physical hardness I have to worry about is actually physically bonding with my couch. The only true benefit an addict like me would have in going to a mud hut in Africa (most people's first thought about Peace Corps) is that the technology just isn't there in the villages. It's not even an option. Here, however, in my building I feel like I have all the cigarettes I want but no lighter. That's right--wireless network, I can connect, but CAN'T GET ON THE INTERNET. The times I have been able to get online have been a 5 pack a day smoker's equivalent of getting a few drags in while someone is watching you. A few minutes here, a few minutes there, the class is waiting, the person is waiting. I'm looking forward to Sunday when I can relax on the internet. heh.

The plusses really do outweigh any minuses which come from not being able to speak a language and not really knowing a culture. I love it here. I have wanted to be in a situation where I'm learning a new language in a structured setting for several hours a day, and in this case my expectations were far exceeded--only five people in my language class! AND, after the 3 month language training period I can have a personal tutor. My entire two years in Peace Corps! That absolutely amazes me.

10.04.07 First day in school

First day back in school

Last night I went to bed a little early and woke up around 4am. I kept hearing these noises. At first I thought they were the heater--a sort of metallic thwanging. I opened up the door to my balcony in my room and it was rain.

It was just light enough to make out the silhouettes. The city I'm from is huge and you can't but see hundreds or thousands of lights when you look outside. Outside of my apartment there were 40. Yes, I counted. The sound was rain hitting the metal roof. I was pretty wide awake, but really didn't want to be up at 4am, so I plugged in my iPod and earphones and put in Battlestar Galactica OST, which I often listen to before bed. I was able to fall asleep.

I got up at 8am and got dressed, hung out a bit, then my host mother, Ala, made me breakfast. I had a tomato-garlic-vinaegrette salad, cheese blintzes which were amazing!, tea with sugar, and was full. I was chided for drinking water with my meal, but I was uncertain why, regardless of how many words she used. Through her pantomimes I think she was saying that drinking water with this food would bloat my stomach?

Off to school!

We were a tiny bit late, but thankfully I wasn't the last person there. X and Cindy were already there, and we were waiting on Tom and Mary. We chatted about host moms and our host dads and the food and our rooms until they showed up. Then on to the lesson!

My studying paid off and I did pretty well on the reading! We did a lot of practicing phrases like "how are you?" "What do you do?" "Where are you from" and we even got to practice with one of the host families on the phone! It was a little scary and yet fun!

Then off to the market! We all went outside and were so happy to have Larissa, our trainer with us. We went in some local Ukrainian stores. They are so filled with sausages and desserts and liquors! We made our way to the bus, and I'm glad she was with us, because they were very different than the busses I'm used to. First, they are very tiny and are more like a van. The number appears on the side and the front on a yellow card. People squish in (Cindy and I wonder how long before we'll be able to squish as efficiently, because we're not so good at it) and pass their money up to the front and a lady gives change. There is no buzzer or bell, you simply wait until the next stop and get off at the right place.

We ate at a cafeteria style restaurant. For just about $4US I got a sausage, a tomato/cucumber/cheese salad, a bowl of mushroom rice and a coke lite. I split the sausage with Cindy, who split her chicken/egg patty with me. Yum!

Then off to the stationary store! I bought more school supplies. The store people are very nice. I was surprised that index cards seem to be unheard of, and that the paper type of choice is graph paper! Seriously--finding a regular college-lined notebook is difficult. I also bought rechargable batteries. Now I need to buy the charging unit, which is about $20.

Back to our teacher's house. We took the bus again and landed back by her house. Her house is right by a local market, and outside there are many babushkas selling potatoes and fresh veggies and fruits. At her house we were given our textbooks and homework. Did I mention I love homework? I really do--chances to practice in a controlled setting. She also gave me my second key of the day.

Ukrainian keys are wild. I've never seen anything like them. They remind me more of big toothed saws than of keys, and if I were to collect something new I think I would collect Ukrainian keys. To lock our apartment door from the outside, you must first open the door. Once it is open, you trip the double lock from the inside--they're two long pieces of metal bent near the ends, that when unlocked face up and down. When you pull them together toward the middle, they spring forward and lock. Once you've tripped the lock, you insert the key. No turning, just shove it in. Shoving it in springs the locks back, and with the key still in the door, you close it and then remove the key. Done! Door is successfully locked.

Vasa, my host father, picked me up and walked with me to our apartment. He tried to initiate some conversation with me, but my Russian is so poor that he and I ended up awkwardly smiling, but knowing that the other wanted to talk but couldn't. Same in the apartment. He showed me some pictures of his family--his brother and his mother. I showed him some pictures on my camera of my parents, but it's sad how few pictures I have of them! Mom--send more pictures soon!

When Ala got home she made me dinner. An awesome potato/pasta soup flavored with dill, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs with an extra dab of mayo on them, slices of pork fat to eat on your bread, blintzes, and cole slaw. Seriously. I had a little bit of wine with my food, and while I was eating, my host mom's other daughter, her son-in-law, and her two grandchildren showed up.

The family was really nice. Ala's son in law spoke a tiny bit of English, and he was very jovial and friendly. He shook my hand and introduced himself, and joked with me most of the evening. Joking can be hard to do when you don't really speak the language, so I totally give him props for making me feel included. One granddaughter was maybe months/a year old (how old are kids when they usually start to walk?), and the other was 7. I gave the 7 year old some Pop Rocks and a candy necklace. The daughter also talked to me a bit. Very nice family.

Then on to studying. I almost know the entire Russian alphabet, but I still pause on a few of the letters! ИЙУ always get me, and sometimes EЁ get me too. Grrr. I know, be easy on myself.

To study, I wrote out the alphabet three times. I also rewrote the conversations from class, and the vocabulary words. I got my host sister to record on my camera the conversations so I could listen and repeat a few times. I also practiced reading out loud.

I want to succeed, and I know that if I keep studying hard I can do it.