10.05.07 Same as it ever was

Am awake with insomnia. Apparently my body isn't doing as well with the 10 hour time difference as I thought. While it's 2am and change here, it's 4pm and change there. I'm pleased to report that your tomorrow is looking good. Except for the first night when I was EXHAUSTED, I haven't yet slept an entire night through. This is the third day waking up at 4am, 3am, 2am.

Today was a good day! Let me break it down thematically

Food: Breakfast was marvelous. The food I've eaten has been very rich, and while it is extremely tasty, I'm a little worried that I won't be able to leave at the end of two years because I will be too big to fit on the plane. I've had so many bready-foods. This morning it was delicious pancake rolls--they were about the size of a deck of cards, they were sweet like pancake batter, and perfectly cooked to a slight crispy on the outside and warm and doughy on the inside. I put applesauce on mine and was immediately chided by my Mama. (It was great, though!). I also had a savory pancake type dish, which was flatter and had less sweet and had bell peppers in them. First I thought they were apples, so the savory flavor surprised me. So this morning--Mama has 4 of the pancake rolls for me, a large savory pancake dish, and sweet chai (tea). You see my dilemma! Delicious food = more of me to love, no delicious food = no delicious food. But, we were running late, so this is also the first time Mama didn't continue to tell me Eat Eat Eat Eat in Russian. For dinner I had BORSCH!!! It was seriously the MOST DELICIOUS THING EVER. Holy crap it was so good. Mama Ala said she would teach me on Sunday. I also had applesauce filled blintzes. YUM!

Going places: This morning we all met at the center of town (McDonalds--there's only one here) and took another bus to the consolate building (I think that's what it was). We got back to our language teacher's apartment without her help! Hooray!

Language: I was able to ask for and buy sugar at the store! Hooray! Also, feel like I'm keeping on pace with the class. I do have hours of studying ahead of me, but that's how I keep on pace.

Relationships: I feel like I'm really bonding with Cindy. We have things in common, we have fun together, it's just good. I also bonded with my host mom's granddaughter. She helped me with learning my numbers. It's crazy to me how patient 5 year olds can be sometimes, and she has so much more of the language than I do. So seriously, we spent a good 30-45 minutes doing numbers. She's also started hugging me a lot. I'm not used to kids hugging me, and it's strangely nice!

Daily life: I successfully washed my own delicates today. My host family has a washing machine, but it's only for pants/sweaters, etc. Any smaller items (bras, undies and socks) get washed by hand, and so I washed my first "load" by hand today. The 5 year old kept me company and I was trying to teach her "Row Row Row your boat. I'm also starting to get into a routine, which I love. I love routines. Wake up, take off the pillows, fold the blanket, fold the sheets. Put pillows, blanket and sheets in the cabinet. Put decorative pillows back on the bed. Get dressed, eat, fix face (I'm actually trying to do makeup every day. In Ukraine it's things like that that show people you care. Seriously.), take vitamins, leave.

And of course: a new simcard! I can finally send and recieve messages! The nice thing is that receiving phone calls is FREE! Woot!

But, of course these accomplishments cannot come without trials. Here were my trials for the day:

Food: I am a big girl! It's hard not to turn down delicious food. In addition to feeling like I'm putting someone out by not eating their food, I love delicious food! I did manage to say "Excellent but diet!" and I scraped off the loads of sour cream she poured over the blintzes. I am totally willing to try everything, but it's hard when you don't know how to say things like "I did enjoy that slice of pork fat on my bread, but it's not something I can eat everyday."

Language: I don't think I have ever really had a full appreciation for how frustrating it is not to be able to express yourself. I'm so into clear communication and emotional conversation and I'm reduced to nouns and pantomimes. I can't say "Today I learned..." I have to just show them the pages from class. I can't say "I want to take a shower first and then eat" I have to say "doosh" (Russian for "bath") and hold up one finger and say "Yest" (Russian for "to eat") and hold up 2 fingers. Having a master's degree and not even being able to say "It's really beautiful here and I really appreciate how much work you've done for me to be here" instead I say "Spaceeba" (thank you) and "harasho" (good) a lot. It's like being a gymnast and being paralyzed from the waist down. You, of course, rejoice that you can move your big toe, but on some level you think "it's just a toe!!!"

Dope moments: I dropped money for a new phone and sim card. I'm an IDIOT--I had a triband phone and was completely caught up in the heat of the moment and spent over half my cash on a new phone. It was the cheapest and I REALLY REALLY hope that one of the other volunteers will take it off my hands. On the up side, my cell phone works now!

Being an addict is hard! Thankfully my addiction is to technology and internet and the only real physical hardness I have to worry about is actually physically bonding with my couch. The only true benefit an addict like me would have in going to a mud hut in Africa (most people's first thought about Peace Corps) is that the technology just isn't there in the villages. It's not even an option. Here, however, in my building I feel like I have all the cigarettes I want but no lighter. That's right--wireless network, I can connect, but CAN'T GET ON THE INTERNET. The times I have been able to get online have been a 5 pack a day smoker's equivalent of getting a few drags in while someone is watching you. A few minutes here, a few minutes there, the class is waiting, the person is waiting. I'm looking forward to Sunday when I can relax on the internet. heh.

The plusses really do outweigh any minuses which come from not being able to speak a language and not really knowing a culture. I love it here. I have wanted to be in a situation where I'm learning a new language in a structured setting for several hours a day, and in this case my expectations were far exceeded--only five people in my language class! AND, after the 3 month language training period I can have a personal tutor. My entire two years in Peace Corps! That absolutely amazes me.